introduction :
the place: it doesnt matter where we are as along as the story goes on....the characters : wont matter as long as the story happened to all of us and is still happening and will happen as life goes on....the time : materialistic things wont actually matter now cause u are the one who decide when ur night or morning begin !!!...it's a story of the unknow...the unwanted and the unseen...it's the story of a heart that couldnt bear feeling alone in silence so it choice to be alone with ppl !!...i felt that i want to see every and each feeling from the 2 sides...the bright one and what i call the dark narrow one....i felt like those who live all the time in depression are worth knowing the meaning of those feelings they feel in the eyes of those who still have hope in tom... i dont know what made me choose such topic...maybe bec i used to live in this state...maybe bec i lived both states....i've been depressed like most of my life...then tasted the wonderful feeling of hope.....in the worst moments of my life...discovered that tears arent the solution ...tears wont give u back what's gone....that's why i started to believe that every depressed one out there deserve a chance to know the other side of those strange feelings he feel...while those hopeful others should know that tears arent just a way to show sadness ...they sometimes hold more than that ...
strange feelings....a mixture of strange feelings that leave u confused...same structrue of the heart that beats...but yet....the sound of the beats is nv the same...while u're laughing deep from the heart...someone out there is crying out of sorrow and pain...for a reason or another....those laughter and tears are from the heart !!....
the rose u take and throw....someone out there is keeping in his fav book as a precious memory that will always matter....and even though our minds are in continous state of thinking nothing appears to be completly clear in our eyes...our human nature keeps us from seeing everything regardless how hard we try to...we nv look at anything in the same way....tiny details are differently understood by each and everyone of us...neglected by others....a beautiful butterfly....an angelic laugh of a child...those wide eyes of the girl u love....the hands of ur man holding urs to make sure u know u're not alone....a mother's smile...a father's heart...colors of the sun....brightness that reborn hope in ur spirit and heart....seeing life from the other side.....believeing that everytime u cry.... a smile is going to follow ur tears....hope....this hope i always talk about....isnt just words....it's a feeling.....something i believe in and trust it's existence....a feeling that make u see the sun with a different eye....more brighter....even more beautiful than u've ever seen it before....a feeling that make u see the tough face expressions of an angry man as a scream of help to save him from the burden killing him everyday...so at this moment u can find him an excuse to let it go and forgive his anger....even be nice for a change...a feeling that can change ur life...as it changed mine.....a feeling that creatue dreams....dreams that give u the energy to go on...to move on...to reach the top....with a smile upon ur face....no matter how tired u are !!.....
silence...a moment of silence seperated me from death...inner death...i stopped talkin the moment i thought words wont matter anymore...wont change the fact that everything around me is falling apart.....were just going to break me more....were just going to turn their anger on me...that's why i choice silence...before i lose what's left from my heart..... that's when i felt cold hearted like nv before...at this stage i felt that words wont be able to warm me up...they wont be able to make me feel again....wont be able to bring me my old heart again.....silence was at that time the right choice...or as i thought so ...so not to bother anyone...i love or i dont....so to be remembered by my smile...to be remembered by my laughter.....it felt so hard to open up....didnt want to cry anymore...didnt want to cry in puplic ....felt like my tears werent worth seen by anyone but me...werent worth...for some or for other !!.......it felt like words arent that easy to be said like before...not everyone around u is able to understand the real meaning behind a word u've said..saying..or going to say...with good intention !!....felt like i've lost the naive credit i've used to have as a child..every word counts...that's why i stopped talkin straight from the heart...started to think before i even think to talk...think before i think in a word to say...so instead of tyring me mind thinking for the sake of those who wont understand....i stopped talking... a plain smile...a look...a laugh...a tear...sometimes do better than words in most of the situations if not all of them....that's why iam known with my face expressions...they always say it all...but who actually would understand ur face expression right....sadness sometimes is explained as sillness or undesirable feeling of hatered which doesnt even exist !!....
while now whenever i feel like desiring silence , i know that it's the most suitable time to speak up ......i feel like i need to talk to break the silence before it break me down and kill my spirit ......during the most expected times for me to be depressed and down .....i force myself to feel happy and satisfied without a specific reason or meaning ....so that to feel that the world is acutally mine and i own it .....now without any reason i feel that the best is still yet to come.....trusting ma self after allah.....knowing that i can make it to the end of the road of glory.....knowin that i can......and nothing can stop me now.......knowing that those let downs i've had are meant to be the push ups that are going to lead me to success .....a moment of madness changed my life...turned it upside down...i made a decision to stop being afraid for a while...a decision that helped me gain things i wouldnt have gained by standing still ...acting wise...calm....i wouldnt have gained by acting an adult...wouldnt have gained without acting like a child...without the madness of a child...at a moment madness felt like the right thing to do...words from the heart...weird actions...fast ones !!....a step forward and one quick step back...were able to end it all !!.....were able to find me success ...to bring me joy....no doubt i've lost alot in my way back to my mind.....in my way back to my wisdom...madness was the storm that took so many things...moments...memories ...along the way with it !!.....no matter whom i've lost along the way...now iam sure...after time past ....that madness is a part of me that if those who left werent able to accept it ...then they are not even worth having my wisdom !!......
...a moment of sadness explained me life....made me look closer at things i knew i wouldnt have seen if my eyes werent purified by tears of pain and sorrow....unjusdice that tought me the real meaning of humanitiy ......feeling broken....the only feeling that tought me the real meaning of strength....that gave me the strenght to stand up again and be how iam.....a hug i've needed at the moment when everyone around me turned their back on me....a hug i've given to myself that tought me how to care for myself when nobody around care to do so...sadness tought me forgivness which is another feeling i've nv had the pleasure of tasting before that time...before this moment !!...
those strange feelings changed me soo much to an extend that i feel that if i had to meet the old me i wont know her or like her......this change that tought me that u cant be perfect.....but u can work to be a semi perfect person learning what u can learn and changing something u think need to be changed to make life a better one to live.....maybe it wont be an invention.....maybe it wont be a long term change......maybe it's gone be a simple article.....friendship.....a stand up for the sake of the truth but at least u tried while someone else gave up , at least u took the risk while someone else prefered walking the ordinary road ......and now no matter what iam facing .....i know that silence isnt the right thing to do....no matter where iam going iam willing to take the risk and make a change....no matter who much ppl change...iam stucking to my plans....no matter who much i take....iam going to give as much as i can .....even if it's going to be through a simple note ....a smile a draw on someone's i dont know face...
the place: it doesnt matter where we are as along as the story goes on....the characters : wont matter as long as the story happened to all of us and is still happening and will happen as life goes on....the time : materialistic things wont actually matter now cause u are the one who decide when ur night or morning begin !!!...it's a story of the unknow...the unwanted and the unseen...it's the story of a heart that couldnt bear feeling alone in silence so it choice to be alone with ppl !!...i felt that i want to see every and each feeling from the 2 sides...the bright one and what i call the dark narrow one....i felt like those who live all the time in depression are worth knowing the meaning of those feelings they feel in the eyes of those who still have hope in tom... i dont know what made me choose such topic...maybe bec i used to live in this state...maybe bec i lived both states....i've been depressed like most of my life...then tasted the wonderful feeling of hope.....in the worst moments of my life...discovered that tears arent the solution ...tears wont give u back what's gone....that's why i started to believe that every depressed one out there deserve a chance to know the other side of those strange feelings he feel...while those hopeful others should know that tears arent just a way to show sadness ...they sometimes hold more than that ...
strange feelings....a mixture of strange feelings that leave u confused...same structrue of the heart that beats...but yet....the sound of the beats is nv the same...while u're laughing deep from the heart...someone out there is crying out of sorrow and pain...for a reason or another....those laughter and tears are from the heart !!....
the rose u take and throw....someone out there is keeping in his fav book as a precious memory that will always matter....and even though our minds are in continous state of thinking nothing appears to be completly clear in our eyes...our human nature keeps us from seeing everything regardless how hard we try to...we nv look at anything in the same way....tiny details are differently understood by each and everyone of us...neglected by others....a beautiful butterfly....an angelic laugh of a child...those wide eyes of the girl u love....the hands of ur man holding urs to make sure u know u're not alone....a mother's smile...a father's heart...colors of the sun....brightness that reborn hope in ur spirit and heart....seeing life from the other side.....believeing that everytime u cry.... a smile is going to follow ur tears....hope....this hope i always talk about....isnt just words....it's a feeling.....something i believe in and trust it's existence....a feeling that make u see the sun with a different eye....more brighter....even more beautiful than u've ever seen it before....a feeling that make u see the tough face expressions of an angry man as a scream of help to save him from the burden killing him everyday...so at this moment u can find him an excuse to let it go and forgive his anger....even be nice for a change...a feeling that can change ur life...as it changed mine.....a feeling that creatue dreams....dreams that give u the energy to go on...to move on...to reach the top....with a smile upon ur face....no matter how tired u are !!.....
silence...a moment of silence seperated me from death...inner death...i stopped talkin the moment i thought words wont matter anymore...wont change the fact that everything around me is falling apart.....were just going to break me more....were just going to turn their anger on me...that's why i choice silence...before i lose what's left from my heart..... that's when i felt cold hearted like nv before...at this stage i felt that words wont be able to warm me up...they wont be able to make me feel again....wont be able to bring me my old heart again.....silence was at that time the right choice...or as i thought so ...so not to bother anyone...i love or i dont....so to be remembered by my smile...to be remembered by my laughter.....it felt so hard to open up....didnt want to cry anymore...didnt want to cry in puplic ....felt like my tears werent worth seen by anyone but me...werent worth...for some or for other !!.......it felt like words arent that easy to be said like before...not everyone around u is able to understand the real meaning behind a word u've said..saying..or going to say...with good intention !!....felt like i've lost the naive credit i've used to have as a child..every word counts...that's why i stopped talkin straight from the heart...started to think before i even think to talk...think before i think in a word to say...so instead of tyring me mind thinking for the sake of those who wont understand....i stopped talking... a plain smile...a look...a laugh...a tear...sometimes do better than words in most of the situations if not all of them....that's why iam known with my face expressions...they always say it all...but who actually would understand ur face expression right....sadness sometimes is explained as sillness or undesirable feeling of hatered which doesnt even exist !!....
while now whenever i feel like desiring silence , i know that it's the most suitable time to speak up ......i feel like i need to talk to break the silence before it break me down and kill my spirit ......during the most expected times for me to be depressed and down .....i force myself to feel happy and satisfied without a specific reason or meaning ....so that to feel that the world is acutally mine and i own it .....now without any reason i feel that the best is still yet to come.....trusting ma self after allah.....knowing that i can make it to the end of the road of glory.....knowin that i can......and nothing can stop me now.......knowing that those let downs i've had are meant to be the push ups that are going to lead me to success .....a moment of madness changed my life...turned it upside down...i made a decision to stop being afraid for a while...a decision that helped me gain things i wouldnt have gained by standing still ...acting wise...calm....i wouldnt have gained by acting an adult...wouldnt have gained without acting like a child...without the madness of a child...at a moment madness felt like the right thing to do...words from the heart...weird actions...fast ones !!....a step forward and one quick step back...were able to end it all !!.....were able to find me success ...to bring me joy....no doubt i've lost alot in my way back to my mind.....in my way back to my wisdom...madness was the storm that took so many things...moments...memorie
...a moment of sadness explained me life....made me look closer at things i knew i wouldnt have seen if my eyes werent purified by tears of pain and sorrow....unjusdice that tought me the real meaning of humanitiy ......feeling broken....the only feeling that tought me the real meaning of strength....that gave me the strenght to stand up again and be how iam.....a hug i've needed at the moment when everyone around me turned their back on me....a hug i've given to myself that tought me how to care for myself when nobody around care to do so...sadness tought me forgivness which is another feeling i've nv had the pleasure of tasting before that time...before this moment !!...
those strange feelings changed me soo much to an extend that i feel that if i had to meet the old me i wont know her or like her......this change that tought me that u cant be perfect.....but u can work to be a semi perfect person learning what u can learn and changing something u think need to be changed to make life a better one to live.....maybe it wont be an invention.....maybe it wont be a long term change......maybe it's gone be a simple article.....friendship....
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