!!!.....Forever gone

noise...me and my friends laughing loud...it was summer again....nothing new...the same as the last summer...the same place...same ppl...same jokes...same empty hand...same empty heart....different new year.....i was laughing too hard when i heard this unique name breaking throw the gates of my heart....it has been a long time since i last heard this name...this exact name....it was her nickname...this nickname everyone but me used to call her with....i knew we would meet again but not now....not here....i wasnt ready...i didnt want to see her again....or maybe i was too eager to see her again...but iam afraid....afraid of wondering how would she act around me...will she smile her usual charming and friendly smile...or will she just pass me by...i turned around...seconds....second

s that felt like ages....i was afraid to look....to just make sure if that's her or not...seconds...million thoughts ran throw my mind....tore my heart....i wish it's not her.....yet i want to see her again...i miss her like nv before....yet i want to convince my self that i was right when i ended it all...i was right when i convinced myself that one day i'll be able to find someone like her...turning around....it's her...she look different...prettier...softer...i dont know...she just look different..different in a charming way...yet nothing in the world can make me not know her among million of girls...that's her...i know this smile...those bright wide eyes....this welcoming round face...she hugged her friend...and went on laughing...it was her....this is the same joyful person i once lived close to....it's the same childish moves that i used to feel in her voice...the same ringing voice that used to break the ice of my sadness.....she took her friend from the hand and lead her to a gp of ppl....everyone around felt her presence......felt her charm...her charming personality and laugh took over the place as usual....yet she wasnt the most prettiest girl present in the place...everyone was looking at her and admiring her smile....she was warm...just like nv before....glowing like nv before...amazing as ever....i couldnt stop myself from smiling a secret smile...it was her...again...fate brought us together...i knew oneday this will happen....everytime i sit alone and wonder if there will be a day that unite us together again....i feel something strange telling me this day is too soon...everytime i wonder why iam still single until now...something mysterious tell me that the rose i throw will be back to fill my life again....i stood up...came near her to let her know iam back again...to let her feel my presence around her...as i felt the warmness of her presence again...took few steps forward...and i wish i wouldnt have took them...i wish someone stopped me ....i wish i didnt look...i wish i wasnt there.....she was laughing introducing her friend to a guy...a tall young and handsome guy..." this is my fiance" she said....a look of fear controlled my eyes...i was shocked yet i have no right to feel so...a tear took every hope i had with it...she was finally gone...she is now free...she once told me i dont want to leave....but i didnt hear her...she once told me dont lose me....but i broke her heart....she was mine...when i throw her away...now she's with another man when i truly wanted her back....she was happy like nv before...i felt jealous ...why another man take her smile from me just bec i let her go !!....fate was supposed to bring us back together...where is this fate now ??!!....where is this fate when every part of my heart is crying ?!...where is this fate to take her hand away from his ....to put her in mine...i just couldnt move...neither back nor forward !!...standing there in my place...while i heard the clock ticking in my ears...i saw everything collapsing infront of my eyes...i looked at her and i couldnt take my eyes off...i wanted to believe that this is just a dream...or maybe i didnt hear right...but everything around me slapped me on the face telling me u fool that's what she really deserve and that's what u have to suffer for every time she remembered u and regretted knowing such a jerk....
she went on talking to her friend....and i stayed in my place frozen...staring at him...watching his looks at her....those passionate looks that says alot...a man can understand when another man is totally...deeply in love....and this guy...her fiance...was one of those drowning men....his hand holding her's soo tight as if he is holding his little girl's hand afraid of losing her in the crowd...increased the fire burning inside my heart !!
she asked her friend to take them a pic...as if she wanted to make sure i have this pic in my mind till the end of time...infront of my eyes until the day i die...every day...every sec...to remind me of her...another last memory...to make me regret the moment i let her go..another last memory...in order for me to know what she has been going through....to feel each moment...sec of pain she leaved when i was laughing loud...they stood close...smiled...cheers...here it goes...the pic i'll hold for the rest of my life...
that's when i felt my best friend's hand on my shoulder....asking me to go with him back to our friends...i just looked at him with a tear in my eyes..." she's gone...she's forever gone" i said...that's when he smiled at me and held my hand in his : " she was gone since the day u let her go " he said...i turned around remembering her words " everytime i cry...i remember...the sun will definitely rise again tom...tom i'll have what i truly deserve....life will smile at me again...i will smile again...cheer up...have faith...allah will nv let u down "....i love u....now i know i do...may u be happy for the rest of ur life...may life always smile at u...cause u...just u...deserve the best...and now iam sure... iam not !!