My Diaries

for those who think that those kind of notes called "my diaries" are not that much worth reading i say " iam not writing those notes for u ppl to like.....i just feel like i want to talk to someone and go on talking and talking about things that are not related to each other and yet can go on talkin about boring details without feeling like bothering the listeners which are in this case my poor notes.....i just felt like i need to start writing how i feel at the moment in which iam writing at....no matter what ppl are going to think about what i've wrote.....write without organizing my thoughts....i thought maybe one day while writing i'll get some of my usefull thoughts out of their prison....maybe i'll write something useful or maybe one day i can help someone know that he is not the only one who passed through such feelings or felt such emotions and that there is someone out there one day felt the same as he did before......i felt that i need to write my thoughts and read them....maybe i'll understand me that iam trying hard to understand her complicated personality .
while trying to feel better and pass one of the most terrible years i've lived in my life......i went on thinking was my decisions in life right all along the way ??!!.....
maybe i went on trying to make others happy that i forgot to look at what would make me and only me happy so i can get to share my happiness with those others....and while trying to help others get through what iam feeling that i'll nv get through....i went on thinking that maybe iam just fed up with sadness that i dont want to know what is like to be sad anymore .....
and while trying to convince others that everything happens for a reason....i went on thinking for the reasons behind what is happening to me ....and i guess i've found all the possible reasons which are at the same time the same reasons that can make me happy and help me reach my dreams and target in life which is make a change in where ever iam going to be .
and it wasnt that easy for me to accept the fact that iam seeing injustice with my own eyes reaching all of us without any mercy and nv have the chance to back it off....but i went on convincing myself that the best way i can fight what iam feeling is trying to be the best of the best where ever iam going to be.....to shine in where ever allah wants me to be .
and it shocks u that the best "you" appears in the worst moments .....u reach ur highest score of being a better person in the worst days of ur life......
maybe this is not right for everyone but it was all the time right for me .......
so while i was shocked with seeing my worst nightmares coming true.....i found the ultimate happiness of praying while crying in the hands of allah.....to feel that allah is watching over me telling me that maybe tom will bring it's best and even more....it's best that i've nv expected before and more than i can even imagine....i found the ultimate happiness of feeling satisfied without a specific reason....satisfied for being sure that allah will nv let me down .
while i was shocked.....i found the ultimate happiness of having a strong mum who stands beside me and give me the strength to go on and stand up and be stronger.....give me strength to know that life will move on and i have to move on with it and reach the top where i deserve to be .
that's why i went on writing those notes ..... just to remind myself of what makes this life worth living...no matter how much i see through my days which are supposed to be the happiest days of my life.....i write them so i can read them again one day and see how much i've changed through the years ....i write them bec i want to share what i feel with others....mayeb i will find someone out there feeling the same way as i feel.... i write them just bec i felt like writing them and maybe that's enough for me to go on writing them even if no one but me is going to read them .