My Diaries

suddenly i felt that i have to say sorry about what i meant to do and what i didnt mean to do ..... iam sorry if one day i hurt someone on purpose or with out any intentions to do so ...... sorry for depending on my first impressions with some ppl and not giving them the chance to be themselves while being with me ...... iam sorry that sometimes "me" wasnt that delighting to someone or wasnt even wanted by another ..... sorry for fearing telling the truth so not to make someone angry while the truth was just the right thing to say at that moment ...... sorry for hurting those close to my heart and making them suffer for me ..... sorry for not appreciating the littile details in my life ......and sorry that i've wasted most of it crying for not having what wasnt really worth having ...... sorry for being loyal to who didnt deserve a thing .....and sorry for being late in doing something i believed in .....and most of all sorry for wasting a big part of my life arguing with the most ppl i love instead of telling them how much i love them .
i just felt that it has been a long time since i last sad sorry when i wanted to......even when others hurt me i felt like those good times we've shared and those laughs we've had.....this uniqe relation i've tasted with them is enough to forgive them or to not think whose the one to blame in this and say sorry.....even if some ppl blamed me for this....i wasnt that concerned about what will ppl think....cause i felt that one day those close to my heart will notice that i've done this for our memories....i've done this for our laughs....that i've done this just bec i love them and they mean alot to me.....bec those times we've shared together still mean a thing for me and sure they mean or meant a thing for them too .
and althought i might have hurt alot of ppl and i swear most of the time it wasnt meant ....but i kept on thinking that they know me enough to understand that i cant be hurting them on purpose....but still when u love someone too much and u get hurt by them even if they didnt mean it.....u nv think....u nv take it easy and try to find them an excuse....u just feel hurt not bec u are a narrow minded person....but just bec u loved them too much that they were the last ppl to expect getting hurt by....that's why i've nv blamed those who blamed me on whatever....still i hoped they would have calmed down and thought about it before we lose it all....but one thing and only one thing made me feel better about it which that their anger from me just mean that they truly loved me and that what really mattered for me aside from the fact that i may have lost this love while iam sure they will nv ever lose my love for them .
so at night when all those thoughts just rose in my head.... i felt that it's nv a bad thing saying sorry and not thinking whose the one to blame about what had happened.... but just say sorry......it's nv bad to say i truly miss u and i love u so much.... cause losing someone who used to be so close to u.....who used to be a gr8 part of ur daily life is soo hard and losing them bec of ur pride to say iam sorry is even harder..... bec one day time will pass by and u will forget the reason why u lost them , the only thing that will remain is that this person is no more in the picture of ur life.....although the pic of the past was just composed of u and them ....
i love my future pic and i truly wish it was a mix of my past pic and my future pic but we dont always get what we want , do we ??!!